honestly, I don’t think I go a day without thinking of the long list of all the things that I want do in this city, across this nation, or around the world. The list of adventures and goals and dreams and moments. The list motivates me and encourages me and ironically, keep my heart, oft heavy with wanderlust, focused.

I used to hate that I was a dreamer. That I had a nearly insatiable appetite for adventure and challenge. That my mind and heart were always drawn to the merger of light and darkness, to greater distances and greater heights and the never ending pursuit of deeper and deeper and deeper into Abba’s heart and plan for the nations. And that - in both good ways and bad ways, I had a pretty strong fear of “normal” or “ordinary”. I used to hate that my world felt small and all I wanted (and want) to do waste to see and taste and experience new parts of Him (and myself) in the cities and nations and peoples He loves. and I used to hate that words and images and melodies and adventure and justice and beauty in the day-to-day were, in their essential simplicity, what I lived for.

and then He spoke to me that those are the things that He loves too. And those are some of the very things about me that mark me as His. That His heart is after community and reconciliation and beauty. That art is the reflection of His very nature as the creator. That hope is the essence of His story and love the heartbeat of every second, minute, day, and lifetime unfolding since the beginning of time when He spoke the world into existence.

and the more I began to understand that (a process I’ll be unraveling for the rest of my life, I’m sure), the less my “list” became about what I wanted to do for the pure sake of adventure or challenge, and more about the essence of His love for me and for the nations; less about my own dreams, and more about dreaming alongside Holy Spirit. because now when I look at the list - every single wish, whether or not it’ll ever come to pass (and each likely sandwiched by glorious and grace-filled seasons of patience and waiting and faithfulness and responsibility), has the same heartbeat.

I’m just a girl, deeply in love with my Abba, who never wants to miss out on the beauty of His creation, the extravagance of His love, or the unfolding story of His reconciliation being played out across the globe.

And, whether or not I do any of the things on the “list”, that doesn’t change.

I love that.